I don’t really have much to say today.
I can feel the energy of the impending changes in my life building, and frankly it’s a little unsettling. Everything feels so intense, and I’m starting to be able to map out courses of action to reach end goals and it’s so damn intimidating.
Maybe especially because I chose to walk this part alone.
One of my dearest friends sent me a meme that said “My entire life can be summed up in one sentence … ‘Well that didn’t fucking go as planned.’” And I responded with a GIF of Oprah shrugging with text above it stating “When you thought your thirties were going to be lit but instead it’s just you undoing and facing all your trauma and toxic behavior.”
And this is what I wrestle with just about daily — how all the different people I’ve been and lives I’ve led have gotten me to this point, where I kind of never wanted to be but also maybe always wanted to be, but in different ways? I mean, I’ve always wrestled with existential crises/dread but then I binged the entirety of The Good Place and guys … I’m Chidi. Like literally. But also that show is great and it makes me laugh and I don’t get a lot of that in my life, to be completely honest.
I don’t know, that’s a whole lot of nonsense to say I wore actual like business dress pants to work today and I’m not sure this is a leap I can completely get behind, wardrobe wise. I mean, clearly I own them and have worked jobs previously where that’s ALL I wore (yay uniforms) but I feel like finding the right shoes is weird and what shirt do I wear to make it less boring and corporate soulless but also how do I stay me while also being like, a different version of me than I’ve really put forth before.
I guess these are adulthood growing pains.
Cream and black striped cotton turtleneck: Target
Black slim boot cut dress pants: Express
Lilac and black skull print lightweight scarf: gifted
Black wool hat: H&M
Silver ellipse hoop earrings: I can’t remember and it doesn’t matter because I lost them on the way to work because my first set of earring holes are still slightly gauged and they just fell the fuck out and I didn’t notice until I was at my desk
Purple druzy geode necklace: Nordstrom Rack
Black suede & leather studded cap toe pointy flats: Sam Edelman
Lipstick: KVD Everlasting Liquid in Sinner